China adoption

What I haven’t told You…

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Prayer

My Friend Wes Introducing Us to the Westside Family

 

Let me take a minute dear friend to say thank you. I’ve been suprised by the reactions to this blog since we returned home and have been able to personally connect with friends who have been following us in this adventure.  It has made us realize how many of you have truly been walking along side us through the daily ups and downs of this journey.  I was thrilled when Westside (our church family in Sullivan) asked us to  come share the highlights of our experience. I felt a little unprepared, because there is still much we are absorbing, and to be honest, we are still in the frenzied state of adjustment!  Between doctor appointments, first introductions to Little Li, and adjustment to a new routine of ‘normal’, we haven’t had much time to reflect on our journey overall and to circle back to where we started.  Before going further, let me give a shout out to everyone at Westside for being eager to hear and to share in our excitement!  It is always like coming home and is the place where I truly began to realize that a church is meant to be your family and that meaningful relationships are built between Sunday’s, not sitting next to each other in a pew.

Looking back, the call was well timed to make us take a breath and fill in the blanks of some details that so far have been absent in this onine record of our adoption. For you see, there are some important details I have left out of this blog that you may find interesting.  Things that were beyond coincidence.  Things that were beyond our control.  Being asked to share our story from a perspective of faith and prayer helped us to circle back and capture these important details to ensure that glory is given where glory is due.

Our story began nine years ago before my husband and I were even engaged. We had a very frank talk about our ‘non-negotiables’ before committing to each other.  (Some people may think it was a little forward of me to be so direct early-on, but lets be honest ladies, I found him later in life and I didn’t have time to waste.  I needed to know we were on the same page. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! He didn’t run scared, so that was a good sign.) We found that we both wanted two children and we had a conversation about adoption.  Even back then, we felt like God was calling us to adopt a little girl from China. It was actually Hubby who first brought up the idea and plant the seed that would grow in our hearts over time.

Now fast forward 7 years. For every family who adopts, there is a ‘GO’ moment. A moment when you finallly quit thinking about it and say ‘Let’s do this!’ I remember ours clearly.  Hubby and I were at the dinner table and decided we should REALLY start praying about it.  For those of you who have never adopted, its not like you go shopping for a child.  You don’t just decide ‘we want a child , so let’s go get one.’ There are several different routes all with pros and cons and different timelines. It can be overwhelming to know where to start.  So we prayed.  We began researching different options that week and asking advice from friends who had pursued different avenues of adoption, but still felt strongly about China. On Thursday, Hubby said to me, ‘My cousin Amy adopted, maybe you should reach out to her to find  out more’  So Friday, I messaged her on Facebook.  She got back to me immediately and said ‘You aren’t going to believe this.  We have NEVER been in Marshall (our town) before.  We are going to be there TOMORROW for a wedding.  We are going to stay all night and have Sunday afternoon available and would LOVE to tell you more about adopting our daughter from China.’

Coincidence?  You can think that if you want.  Personally, I think the odds are pretty slim that it was coincidence .It was a door that God opened and we walked on through.  We walked away from the conversation knowing what agency we were going to use and that we were following through on a divine plan designed just for us. 

We continued to move forward and soon found ourselves in the same place where so many adoptive parents become restless..waiting.  Here we learned more about praying hard and taking action in faith.  (See this post for another interesting story..) 

I’m still in awe that we returned from China with 4 days to spare before Hulaloo started Kindergarten.  Just a few months ago it seemed impossible.  But that’s the beauty of it.  We serve a God who can do the impossible.  I ‘ve seen it.  I believe it! 

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26 ESV

But here’s the thing.. We are his hands and feet. Alot of what is accomplished in and through our lives happens only when we take action.

 ‘Praying is 2/3 listening and looking‘ (Mark Batterson – The Circle Maker). 

 Did you hear that, or were you not listening?!

I challenge you to quit praying that God change your circumstances, but instead  to change YOU so that you will see the direction he is pointing you. Some people say that when God closes a door he opens a window. Have you ever considered that you may be be standing at the wrong entrance? Don’t miss the open doors in your life just because you weren’t listening! Stop and ask for directions. Then TAKE ACTION.  What are you being called to do? more importantly, what are you waiting for?

 

Palace Door of the Forbidden City


and My people who are called by My name humble themselves, pray and seek My face, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.”

 

‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭7:14‬ ‭HCSB‬‬
 
Your friend,
Meredith
LLI 



 

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More about the Luoyang Orphanage

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Mimi and a Luoyang Little One

The Orphanage.

I’ve waited to write more about the orphanage, quite frankly, because I needed time to process it all before taking to the keyboard. Our daughter lived the first 2.5 years of her life in the care of the people of Luoyang.  We are grateful that she appears to have been healthy (with some minor issues) and grown normally during her time there.  We could tell from our limited interaction with the staff, that the people who work there do care about the pint-sized bundles of energy in their charge.

You may be surprised to know that visiting the orphanage of a child you have adopted from China is not always something that can or does happen for each adoptive family.  There are many factors such as distance, scheduling, personnel and paperwork that may throw a wrench into a family’s plan to visit their child’s orphanage. Furthermore, not all families want to make the trip.  When you have had a child for only a few days, there may be health or attachment issues that a long trip in a car or train wouldn’t help.  In addition to logistic problems there is an emotional risk of going back and taking your child with you.  Some children are very attached to their care givers and going back to their home and interacting with their friends and everything familiar, only to be taken away, can be traumatic.  They lose everything all over again.  It can also be hard for newly adoptive parents to watch as their children attach and cling to their former caregivers, wondering if they will want to come back into the arms of this stranger that now wants to be called ‘Mama.’  The truth is you don’t know how it will go until you get there.  You have to be willing to take the risk and deal with whatever happens…and we were.

I wanted to capture as much as we could in our time in Luoyang for the sake of our daughter.  I wanted to close the loop on so many open questions that called for more than second-hand knowledge from our agency. Only visiting in person could satisfy those questions. (Mimi felt the same way, so she joined us even though I was afraid her tender teacher-heart might not survive saying goodbye to the little ones that entered her life that day.)  Someday Little Li will want to know more and we will be able to at least share with her some basic first-hand knowledge of the first place she called home. 

 Our visit was the last stop of a marathon day that had started with the finalization of the adoption at one location, then a brief interaction with a notary official in another location and then a 2.5 hour drive to do the paperwork for her passport. (See my post on day 6.  )  Our visit to the orphanage happened at the end of an extremely long day and we were hot, tired and determined.  (Thankfully so was the other family adopting from the same facility. We were in this together!)  The clock soon ticked past the 5:00 pm mark, but the orphanage director was gracious enough to stay late in order for us to visit. What I saw there surprised me.  

The exterior of the orphanage

The building is over 10 stories tall and towered much higher than I expected.  It was large.  Very large.  It would have to be because it houses over 700 children.  That’s right. 700+ children wake up and go to sleep in a mass community of young citizens that band together to form their own family.  Keep in mind this was just ONE orphanage in ONE city! 

We were greeted outside by care givers on their way home.  They were excited to see both girls and obviously wanted to say goodbye.  We then were ushered into a first floor room that was our daughter’s actual room.  There were 14 cribs (probably twice the size of an American crib), 2 children in each crib and 2 caregivers.  We were told that the children only spend a few hours each day out of their crib.  At first you are enraged by the thought!  But then you consider the reality.  If you had to feed, change, bathe and play with 28 children under the age of three in one eight hour shift, that is no easy task.  (Much less trying to the emotional needs of the demanding toddler temperament!) Is there a better way to care for these kids?  Maybe, but there is no ideal solution and always a lack of people, time and money. (Some of the other orphanages have foster programs, but not every orphanage have  the resources to coordinate such a program.) Its just reality, like it or not.

Nannies leaving, but saying hello

 The children were already in their cribs when we arrived a little after 5:00 pm and immediately started calling our daughter’s name when we walked into the room. I tried to get her out of the baby carrier in order to  allow her to interact, but she wanted no part of it! (It was as if she was saying ‘I thought we had a deal and I was done with this, Mom! Don’t let go.’) Little arms began reaching for the grown-ups in order to be held and get attention for just a moment.  While my arms were full, Mimi couldn’t resist the sweetness of the little hands so desperately in need of attention.  She was drawn in by a small, waif-like girl that melted immediately into her arms . This little girl was grateful for gentle hands, even if they held her only for a moment.  In those brief minutes, I wanted to load our van up with these beautiful munchkins and high tail it out of dodge! Irrational I know, but it left me wanting to do more.  Looking back, it may have been good that Mom held this little angel instead of me.  When we got back home and I opened up the photos from the camera I had sent ahead to the orphanage, this little girl was in most of the photos and the video.  I think she may have been one of our daughter’s close playmates.  She will forever be in my prayers.  I pray that God will give her the same  opportunity for a new life as our daughter and the other children in our group. (She is pictured above with Mimi.) It was hard to leave her behind.

Little Li’s friend saying hi

 

Overall, the facility and the few parts we saw appeared organized and clean.  (It was far better than the hospital we visited earlier in the day!) The children seemed to be adjusted and the caregivers engaged.  It was better than I had anticipated to be truthful.  Good. Yes.  Great. No.  As long as there are children in orphanages, the situation will not be great or anything less than ideal.  It is not the the way God intended for children to be raised.  It made me keenly aware and thankful for the other families of the same mindset who had joined us in this international adventure.  9 children started over that week with new families and new homes.  They are orphans no more! The week also made my heart ache a little more for the little ones still there.  I have touched their hands and heard their cries.   It leaves an ache in your heart when you think about the lives of excess we live in the USA. I  could rant a little here, but instead I will move on and revisit that later!

We explored a few other areas of the facility with the director and looked at her playroom as well as the back courtyard.  The director answered a few more questions and then it was time to leave.  Traffic would be heavy, so the driver didn’t want to stop for dinner.  (I was starving!)  So we stopped at a gas station that would make a 7-11 look classy and began our journey home.  (Again, visit my previous post for an entertaining story..) We will forever have a special bond with the other family than ran the Luoyang gauntlet with us that day.

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